Appeared in the Salem Statesman-Journal on February 13, 2010 and the Iowa City Press-Citizen on February 18, 2010
Not to be outplayed by Sarah's hand
with its cheat-sheet of keywords and platitudes,
he'll stake his claim as the most famous dude
in what's become a Plain Wonderland,
and down that twisted, icy, rabbit hole,
Levi—baby daddy, Bristol's ex—
will show off his abs and hairless, airbrushed pecs
and ask us to think he's baring us his soul.
But Palin Wonderland won't miss a beat.
Todd will say he's going out to ski.
Sarah will write "condemn him" certainly.
The Queen of Hearts will win a Senate seat
and somewhere, in a basement in D.C.,
the Cheshire Cat will lick its dirty feet.