Man Wanted for Using Counterfeit Bills at State Fair

—appeared in the Statesman-Journal October 1, 2009

Why is it whenever I go to the fair
with a twenty-dollar bill
and lose it all at the softball toss,
it's called a "game of skill"?

Why when I pay a buck or two
to see The Human Snake
and it's just two bodies sewn together
is it called a "genuine fake"?

And why when I buy a bunch of knives
that cut a can to size
but never get them to work at home
is it called "free enterprise"?

But when I print a dollar or two
to have some fun at the fair?
I'm arrested and called a danger to others
and am taken away from there.

Boy Doles Out Fake $20 Bills

Appeared in the Press-Citizen on September 15, 2008

Inflation and unemployment are high.
Freddie and Fannie are low.
Another month in Iraq goes by
And everyone's short on dough.

So when Georgie starts passing out cash
everyone's friends of his.
No one asks where he's hiding his stash
or what the boy's motive is.

They pocket the money and give him a grunt
but never look at the jack:
there's a picture of John McCain on front
and Sarah Palin on back.